So lately I have been wanting to read up on what to do with your adopted child when they are home, specifically about bonding etc. For example, I want Shiloh to be able to sleep in her own bed when we are home with her, but I had also thought that went we went to Guatemala to pick her up, it might be nice to have her sleep with us while we are there to be able to have that bonding time. I just don't want to make it hard for her to adjust once we are back home. Also, I want to be able to rock her to sleep initially if she needs it, but eventually I want her to learn how to fall asleep on her own. At what point are you bonded enough to be able to go into more of a training mode. (I know, I over think things way too much. It drives my sister in law crazy.) I haven't checked out too many books, but the ones I have looked at all talk more about how to tell your child that he or she is adopted, how the adoption process works, how to deal with tough questions you child may have when they are older, and the few that I have seen that do talk about bonding are more about bonding with an infant. Not really what I am looking for. I am wanting something practical. Something that is more about, "your home with your not newborn baby, now what?" I know that a lot of it will come naturally and depends a lot on the personalities of the child and the parents, but as a first time mom and first time adopter I just wanted to see if any of you had any good suggestions for any books or websites, or for those of you who already have your little ones home, what has worked for you and what hasn't? I am open to any thoughts or ideas about anything that you might have. Thanks!
4 years ago
10 comments:
what about adoption for dummies?
statistics for dummies and economics for dummies have gotten me through grad school thus far. the sad thing is that i'm not even kidding.
when it comes to bonding, the best advice i got is just spending lots of time with just you guys and the baby--which you'll have no trouble doing at all! we had lots of company because everyone was so excited, but the majority of our time was just us and jack for a little while.
babies are so resilient anyway, and you guys are going to be such great parents, so i'm sure shiloh will have no trouble bonding with you!
I plan on using my baby carrier alot around the house just to bond with her. I want to have Stella sleeping in her own crib too. If you get any good advice or books, let us know. Good Luck. Courtney
I have no good advice...my mind is mush...I just wanted to thank you for your comment on my blog. I appreciate your prayers and support. I hope you guys get Shiloh home very very soon so her and baby P can have fun playdates (oh yeah and Malak will have to play too of course).
I am feeling pretty confident with how to bond. Though hearing other people's advice does help give me new ideas. It is more the idea of how to mesh the bonding with life. Is it ok to let her cry sometimes, or will she feel abandoned because she hasn't had as much time to bond. At what point is the bond strong enough that you can focus on training with things like sleep. I don't know, maybe I'll just know when the time comes.
i wonder which sister in law you are referring to?
i think that you will definitely know when the time comes. ok, so i have never adopted, but i am a mom. i think that a lot of things come naturally through a God given maternal instinct, and you just know when you know. obviously, there are some things that you will question even as you are doing them, and some things that you do will be wrong, but everything will work out in the end.
i personally think, for shiloh's age, that the moment you get her you will be training her, it is up to you whether you are training her to sleep alone or with you. she will be old enough at that point to start learning routines (whether it be i rock you to sleep or you go on your own). i think the bonding will come over time just spending some quality time together, as meredith suggested. holding her and playing with her will quickly stick her to you. take baths with her and snuggle her tight when she feels needy. ok, i have left my long winded advice.
i think these are good and reasonable questions and i think as a mother you just naturally overthink things. there is nothing wrong with that. i have nothing to add to everyone's good advice, because i haven't been in this situation. but we have a family in our church who adopted a little girl from china when she was a little over a year old. next time i see her i will ask her how it worked for them. you will be a fabulous mother and like kim said you will just know what to do. and you will never have to worry about not giving her enough love. you both will do that perfectly and she will know and feel that she is loved by you.
One of my favorite books is "Adoption Parenting: Creating a Toolbox, Building Connections". It's not one you sit down and read all at once but it's a great resource. Like others and you have said, your child will give you clues. Remember, you little one will have years to go to sleep on her own. Take advantage of this short time when she'll really need you to rock her to sleep, cuddle and do all that fun stuff.
Can't wait to meet you guys sometime.
Kerri and Ruby
like kim, i don't have an adopted baby, but i have one. . . and i think that's probably requirement enough to comment. . . i thought i'd "kick" alani out of our bed at 6 months. . . at almost 18 months, i'm so happy we decided to keep her with us. i think you just have to listen to your heart and her heart too and realize that every baby is different and this one might just need that extra time with you (especially at first) and sleep in general i think has it's hard stages with EVERY child at some point. . . just go with your gut!
Hello, I don't know you and I don't have an adopted child... so why am I posting? Because I too overthink everything about my kids, or at least I did when my oldest was a baby. (My 6 month old has taught me there's no point, she's still going to do what she wants!) Although it is not specifically about adopted children, I highly recommend the No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It has lots of ways to help babies of all ages and situations to sleep well. I hope that is helpful. I will pray for your situation with bringing your baby home.
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